Goodbye October ..... Hello November

October .... how I loved you. Last month was by far the best month I've had in a really long time. I finally took the advice of a friend of mine Darnell (@DarnellEnrique) to take the time to do things for myself for once. Well, shouts to you D, because I took full advantage of it and I'm so thankful for that conversation we had about it.

What a better way to start of the month than a birthday party for one of my favorite girls ever Sophia. shouts to Shannon (@shannon__nicole) & Eric (@molemurda86) for making the cutest daughter ever! I love this little girl as if she were mine. She turned 3 on October 3rd! I can remember when Shannon first told me she was pregnant at one of our girl lunches we used to have at Papa Joes every couple of weeks. Her birthday was princess themed and let me tell you that theme fits her so perfectly. She cleaned up with presents! I decided along with my gift at her birthday party I'd take her to go get her toes painted. Little kids will play with a toy for a day or two and I wanted to do something with her that hopefully she'd remember. Love you baby angel face.

A few days after Sophia's birthday was my PB's (@THErealSKRIBE) birthday at Lux. I had to go and show my love for him out there to celebrate him getting extra old :)

My brother's senior year; Talk about feeling old. That means I've been out of high school for 5 years. Yikes! I graduated half a year early my senior year, so I didn't get the opportunity to join in on all of the Senior activities such as Senior day. My Little big brother decided he was going to tell me 2 days before his Senior day that he needed me to make him a Senior crown and shirt. Being an art nerd of course I jumped on it and made him the BEST Senior crown to walk on Deland high campus, literally ... he won!

Random nights .... are the BEST EVER!! I love not having set plans and just going with the flow. The girls and I decided we would get together and get dinner at Bone Fish and then head out to where the night took us. Well the night took us to VIP in Dragon room. That night was one of the best "going out" nights ... or maybe it was all the Sugar Free Red Bull I drank :) It was nice to be with a group of girls for once since my friend base is 95% males. Cheers to more nights like this

Stand and cheer because basketball season is here!!! Finally! Don't get me wrong I love all sports but basketball is my favorite. Of course since I decided I wasn't going to let anything hold me back I decided why not spoil myself and go to a few of the games court side. Why not?! I work hard and it's paying off. One of my best guy friends Kyle took me to the first preseason game. (thanks babes) and the rest of the games my partner in crime Kahlin (@4everfabulous) went with me. It was nice to see old faces of the employees and other season ticket holders that I've know for a few years now. And the new arena ... wow! It's beautiful! Orlando needed an upgrade. The Gentleman's Jack bar is breath taking. To be outside overlooking 55 West (shouts to TB & PB) and the city line is a nice change.

Birthdays, birthdays and more birthdays .... ya'lls parents were all getting it in the same month. SMH cuffing season. My childhood friend Andre's (@QlarkQent14) birthday fell on this month too. Andre and I go way back to grade school days. He used to be a "protector" figure for me in those days. It was actually just by chance that I ended up going out for his birthday. Originally my friend and I were going downtown to Urban flats for dinner and then out to Antigua to see my friend Brody (@brodyorlando) who hosts there every Saturday(shouts to you hater faceeeeee). We just happened to see our friend Austin walking by while we were outside eating and he told us about the get together. Two clubs, one night. Random nights ... got to love them :)

Another Birthday! See I told you ya'lls parents were getting it in during this month. Another friend of mine had a birthday ... lets just call this person unknown. Too much controversy when I mention this name. Along with his Gucci wallet I got him we went to one of the Magic games and sat on the floor. Happy birthday to you babes aka Grandpa!

Tampa!! I promise I'm going to move here eventually. The girls and I decided we were going to go to Tampa to see the Orlando VS Miami game there. We purchased court side seats that cost us and arm and a leg just to witness this game. WOMP! As soon as we walked onto the property they made the announcement the game was cancelled do due a "slippery" floor. I guess there was a hockey game the night before and it caused problems with the court floor. LAME regardless. The weekend was still a lot of fun though. My friend Brody (@BrodyOrlando) works for XL 106.7 ended up coming to Tampa that weekend because he was able to get his hands on some Howl-O-Scream tickets and fast passes for all of us. Let me tell you, never in my life have I been so scared I wanted to cry. One of the houses I literally turned around and told Brody he was going to have to carry me out of the house because I couldn't take it any more. By the second house I was trying to sell my fast pass and not go in anymore of the houses. I don't know if it was my adrenaline but I ended up finishing all of the houses and by the 4th house I was laughing through out the whole house. Thanks for taking us Hater Faceeeeeee

Saturday night ... Pre Halloween! All month long people kept asking me what I was dressing up as and my response every time was, "I'm not dressing up this year. I said last year as Eve would be my last costume". Well, thanks to TB he talked me into dressing up and actually came up with my costume. The original idea was supposed to be a bad Cupid and wear all black because Cupid is known for putting all the wrong people together. After I parked at Lux with Allie (@allie_erickson) to go see Dre (@StopGassinEm) Skribe (@THErealSKRIBE) and Luch (@_iMotorboat) I decided I didn't want to carry my bow and arrow. My wings were already going to be a problem hitting people left and right. The last thing I wanted was to hold a bow and arrow all night. So I just let people decide what I was. I got dark angel a lot ... so that's what were going to go with. The boys costumes were hilarious! They dressed up as The Swamp People. They had the hillbilly accents down and even wrestled an inflatable gator at the club. They had people rolling. I still think you guys had the best costumes! Allie was supposed to be a vampire per our convo before I picked her up and by the time she got in my car she changed hers to Jennifer's Body. Vampire or Jennifer's Body all I can say is holy boobies :)





Allie and I stayed at Lux for 45 minutes just so I could see my boys and then we headed downtown for the block party. Cuh-Ra-Zee! some of the costumes were really great and others ... not so much. We originally went down town to meet up with my friend Nesto and some child hood friends of mine who happen to be friends with him as well. (shouts to kevin and keith Bonifacio) Then allie and I decided we were going to go Team Chocolate finding. We were walking around for a little while and then BAM we seen a cute group of guys. We crossed the road and went to walk over to them and the closer I got I started to recognize one of them, CP!! How were the only attractive team chocolate men downtown turn out to be my friends. It was nice running into him though. Thats my mr. lova lova face! I used to live with this kid for 2 years. Love you CP!
Beiber Fever! This kids costume was great! He was the only Justin Beiber I seen all night. He kind of looked like him too.
Ran into part of the "Hoss Movement" as well. Which by the way were all behaving if any of their girlfriends are reading this :)

This poor guy had to be sweating balls, but his costume was Grrrrreat! Teen wolf! That used to be my favorite movie.

Then we have my whole Dominican crew who dressed up as doctors and then theres Nesto the only non dominican in the bunch lol Shouts to Nesto, Keith and Kevin!

Happy Halloween! I was supposed to be out of town this weekend and responsibilities called and I ended up having to stay in town. It actually worked out for the best because I was able to take my little sisters out trick or treating, which I was upset about missing when I thought I was going to be out of town. You'd think little girls would want to dress up as a princess or something girly. Not mine sisters. One wanted to be a vampire and the other an Egyptian queen. I searched everywhere for their costumes. Literally, and when I thought I was done they both decided they wanted black wigs. I took them around my aunts neighborhood because there are theses two houses every year who have a haunted house. This is the first year my sisters decided they were going to go in it which was nice for a change minus the 30 minute wait. I felt like we were at Halloween Horror nights with out a fast pass. It was worth it though because they had a great time.

All in all this month was absolutely amazing! I had a blast! I'm actually sad October is over. November has big shoes to fill because October killed it and December is my birthday and Miami is already planned for that (shouts to Steve). Here's to finishing out the rest of the year with the same attitude and same amount of fun!

This Too Shall Pass

When it rains it pours, but you have to endure the rain to see the rainbow. These past few days have been difficult to say the least. A lot of you know that I've been back and forth to the hospital to visit my great grandmother. Last week they gave her 48 hours to live. I was there feeding her and revisiting memories that her and I shared while I was growing up. She died today at 4:30 am. If you ask me to have been told that you're only going to live for 48 hours and make it a week and a half longer than you were given I'd say that's a blessing. My heart hurts that I was unable to be by her side holding her hand as she took her last breath because I was stuck in a hospital bed myself.

I don't talk about my sickness to people. Only my closest friends and family REALLY know what I go through on a daily basis. I don't speak about it for one because I don't want sympathy from people. I also don't talk to much about it because of the negative memories I have from when I was first going through trying to figure out a diagnosis. There was a time that I was lying in a hospital bed surrounded by family and my boyfriend at the time that I honestly didn't think I was going to see another day. These past few days while in the hospital many of you DM'd me asking what was wrong and I always give the generic answer, "I was born with a bum liver". I really sat and thought about it and instead of being ashamed or scared to talk about it I figured I should share my experience. It might help someone that is going through the same thing that I am or did go through.

In 2007 I got really sick and the doctors couldn't figure out exactly what as wrong with me. The simplest solution for them was to blame it on my gallbladder. A few tests came back and showed that I had gallstones in my gallbladder. I went through a surgery to have the stones removed and went back to being my normal self for a little while, only to end up feeling worse a few months later. In February of 2008 I went through another surgery and had my gallbladder removed. I felt great for a short time and then got extremely sick. My liver enzymes were through the roof. I was losing weight at a rapid rate and my pupils were constantly dilated. I checked myself into the hospital and stayed there 7 days. I under went countless test from echo cardiograms to every blood test, breath test and MRI you can think of. After an exhausting 7 days everything came back normal except my blood test still showing I had elevated liver enzymes and my stress test came back a little abnormal. Frustrated and tired of feeling sick I literally walked into a random Cardiologist, Gastroenterologist and Urologist to get some answers.

The cardiologist sent me to an Electrophysiologist to see if they could figure out why my heart would randomly beat unnaturally. After a few tests it came back that I have WAP. Its a condition that causes your heart to randomly without warning cause your heart to not beat rhythmically the way it should. It causes shortness of breath and can often make you feel as though your going to pass out. There's nothing that can be done to ensure that WAP can be fixed. There is however a treatment where your heart can me shocked by electrodes to try and cause the heart to not fall out of pace, but is not guaranteed. I looked into it and the effects of it were something that I was unwilling to go through considering my heart only falls out of rhythm very far and in between.

After I got my heart condition figured out I decided to move onto my elevated liver enzymes. At this point I was dealing with weight loss still and constantly feeling like I literally swallowed a brick that was on fire that was stuck in my stomach. I was referred out to Shand's Hospital in Gainesville to go under yet another surgery to open up my Sphincter of Oddi. The procedure would consist of a small contraction being place at the neck of this area to help with the pancreatic flow. Needless to say I went through that surgery and came out with no results. I went through 4 more procedures when I was placed under anesthesia and came out with no results. At this point I was down to 85 pounds, no energy and still no results. I decided I would go through the last and final test there was. A liver biopsy. The Most painful experience of my life. In order to unsure that when they are taking the biopsy of the liver and don't mistakenly hit my lung I had to be half awake to hold my breath while they take the biopsy. Drained and ready to give up I finally got results. I was diagnosed with Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis (PSC) and Ulcerative Colitis.

PSC and Ulcerative Colitis are autoimmune diseases. They can't be contracted and doctors are not really sure what causes it. You're either born with it or your not. As of today my liver is at 50% working rate and will eventually need a liver transplant. I live a pretty normal life. I get tired a lot easier than people my age. My body will hurt if I push myself beyond what doctors recommend and I find myself in the hospital every few months from it. I do however refuse to let my conditions break me or prevent me from living a life of a 23 year old. I guess the reason for finally speaking about about my conditions is the fact that I'm not ashamed of it. If anything these past few years have made my into a stronger person and I'm proud of it. No matter what cards are thrown my way, I know I will be able to get through with a smile on my face because of this.

Thank you to everyone that was concerned while I was in the hospital the past few days. I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers. It definitely makes the time in there more enjoyable.

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/primarysclerosingcholangitis/

RIP Anita Ruth Oretsky August 2, 1923 - August 12, 2010 I love you Nanny!

30 Letters in 30 Days: Day 17 - Someone From My Childhood

junior year

Amanda,
My wild child! I'm sitting here trying to think exactly how far back we go. The furthest memory I have is when we were around 7 or 8 years old. I'm sure we go back further than that but neither one of us remember. I can't even imagine my childhood without you in it. We had great times. Sleep overs at my aunt's house playing pranks on the girls who fell asleep first to horse back riding at Denny and Dustin's, thorough out high school until now I can honestly say that you have been by my side through it all. Although now we talk every once in awhile you are one of the few people that when we do go a long period of time without seeing each other we pick right up where we left off. Thank you for all the laughs, tears and great memories that we created together. I wouldn't have wanted to share them with anyone else but you.

Love you always no matter what!
Britnie

30 Letters in 30 Days: Day 15 - The Person I Miss the Most

Jenn Jenn,
My beautiful best friend in the entire world ... oh how I miss you. I probably tell you this at least 5 times a week. I know you know how much I value our friendship and because of that it makes it so hard not to miss you since you're all the way in Maine. I just miss being able to have that one person that I fully trust by my side, physically. I told you before I feel like half of me was taken away when you moved. Over time the pain of missing you has become more manageable, but I still miss you like crazy. All the crazy times we were able to share together are just memories. Now we share our crazy times that we have apart from each other on our Sunday phone dates. We really need to try and make sure at least once a year either you come down here or I go up there. I can;t stand not being able to spend quality time with you to make more memories. I can;t wait until school is over for Cory so you guys can move down here and I can have my best friend/sister by my side again.

Missing you,
Bwit-Knee

30 Letters in 30 Days: Day 14 - Someone I've Drifted Away From

Dear Kyle,
I have quite a few guys friends and out of all of them I consider you to be one I'm closest with. You know everything about me from my health issues to my relationship issues. We went from hanging out with each other almost ever night just enjoying time together with out feeling pressured. Over the past few months we've drifted so far apart and it's sad. I miss my friend. I know I can't put the blame all on you. I am accepting my half of the reason why we've drifted. What's even more upsetting is that I'm not sure how we got to this point. There wasn't an argument. Neither one of us are boo'd up. We just stopped making an effort to see and talk to each other. I know that if I were to see you or talk to you on the phone it would be like nothing happened since that's the type of relationship we have. I just want my friend back. I miss taking care of your drunk behind when we go out. I miss yelling at you for riding your bike with out your helmet on. I just miss our friendship period.

Love,
Brit

30 Letters in 30 Days: Day 13 - Someone I Wish I Could Forgive

Dear Self,

I don't consider you a bad person by any means. I know you've done things in your past that you're not proud of that you've carried throughout the years. There's one instance that you can't seem to get over. It was 7th grade in Science class with a girl named Sharley Lloyd. Just thinking about it makes me angry. I can't believe you tortured that girl about the warts on her hands to the point you made her run out of the room crying. How dare you pick on someone and their insecurities that didn't deserve it. I feel horrible that you hurt her feelings so bad she didn't come to school or at least that class again for a little while. I'm sure somewhere you're on her hit list for making her middle school years a living hell. I don't know why she was your target or why you even felt that you were above her to pick her apart daily. You were one of the smallest kids in 7th grade, but had an attitude of a giant. I know you've tried to find her to send an apology for what you did to her those 3 years, but it's time to forgive yourself. Stop carrying it on your shoulders. Eventually one day you will have the chance to run into her hopefully and she will accept your apology. Who knows, for all you know she doesn't even remember who you are.

Letting go,
Britnie

30 Letters in 30 Days: Day 12 - The Person I Hate Most/Caused Ae a lot of Pain

Dear persons name who shall not be spoken of,

I will not use the word hate. I feel that the word hate is one of the strongest emotions you can feel towards someone. I can tell you that you have caused me a lot of pain. I trusted you with everything. Not only were you my best friend, but I considered you to be a sister. I moved you into my apartment when you needed a place to stay because your living situation wasn't working for you. I gave you access to everything I had and how do you go and repay me .... by backstabbing me. How dare you go behind my back and do what you did. You really must be a miserable person to act like my best friend to my face but behind my back make sure you sabotage things in my life because of your jealousy. Just because someone is doing better than you are doesn't mean you ruin things for them so you can be on top. You are nonexistent to me and I know you know this from the few times we've ran into each other. Just know that everything that you thought you ruined for me ended up working out. I got the last laugh. My word of advice to you is, prepare yourself for karma because when it comes back to you for everything you did to me its going to be horrible. I never wish bad upon anyone no matter what the situation. You just made your bed so I hope you enjoy laying in it *smiles*

Made it out on top,
Britnie